Parenting 101

Top 20 Rules for Parents

Parenting is one of the most challenging, yet rewarding, things individuals might do in their lifetime.  To develop healthy parenting habits, one must be intentional.  We are often so driven by the "quick and convenient" parenting strategies that we fail to recognize that we play a vital role in the character development of a little human being.

Here are the "Top 20 Rules for Parents" from pastor and author Michael Clarensau, from Wichita, KS:

1. Don't punish mistakes; punish intent.  If a child falls down and breaks a plate, that is a mistake.  If a child gets angry and slams the plate down and breaks it, that is intentional.

2. Keep the agreements you make with your children.

3. Make the rules clear ahead of time.  Before going to the grocery store, parents should communicate their expectations to their children.  This will help avoid any confusion and the children will benefit from having the rules fresh in their mind.

4. Don't publically embarass your child.

5. Don't justify your decisions, explain them.  Parents should make a regular habit of explaining their decisions to their children, particularly as they get older.  This teachers children how to make decisions for themselves.  Parents do not need to justify or prove their decisions are correct to their children; however, just saying "Because I said so" offers no hope of learning or growth.

6. Praise your child frequently.

7. When their world changes at school, their world changes at home.  Parents should watch for shifts in a child's emotional state at home, especially when they move from elementary school to middle school, from middle school to high school, or when they experience changes due to moving, etc.  It's a good time to review and evaluate the rules at home to make sure Mom and Dad are progressing with the child's emotional growth.

8. Rigidity is lethal.

9. Believe in your child, even when you don't believe in your child.

10. Make a habit of parenting together.  Parents should present a united front.  Any differing opinions should be dealth with in private.  Also, parents should share in the different parenting roles to prevent one parent from being the "fun" one and one being the "mean" one.

11. Don't give in to your child to avoid conflicts. Always stand firm.

12. Motivate with meaning.  Every child is motivated in different ways.  As parents, we learn the kinds of punishments that are most effective, but we don't often take the next step of learning the same about positive motivation.  Participating in something that is meaningful for the child will help the parents motivate good behavior.  Basically, this is a "know your child" mentality.  Respond accordingly in both positive and negative situations.

13. Remember that you are a role model for your child.

14. Anticipate the next phase of the journey.  Our emotional needs develop with us.  The need for security dominates early childhod; identity dominates elementary shcool; acceptance dominates adolescence.  Since all the needs are always with us, and when they hit us has more to do with emotional maturity than age, parents need to be watching for major transitions in emotional needs.  If the parent "gets there first," they can anticipate their child's development and really aid the journey significantly.  Parents who fail to get there first tend to treat their child as though they are younger than they really are.

15. Laugh with, not at, your child.

16. Apologize when you're wrong.  There is nothing weak about an apology and no one is perfect, not even a parent.  This not only validates your child, but it also build's the parents' character in the child's eyes.

17. Keep your sense of humor.

18. Improve the friends by elevating your child.  The only way to influence the friends a child keeps as company is by investing in the child's identity and self-worth.  Kids will hang with other kids who feel the same way about themselves.  If a parent wants a child to choose better friends, the child must feel better about himself first.

19. Don't complain about other adults to your child.

20. Get a hold of yourself before you get a hold of your child.  Parents should take a moment to "cool down" before implementing punishment.  The intent of punishment should be to teach your child correct behavior and should be motivated out of love.

Parenting can be difficult.  EMPAC can help.  If you are feeling overwhelmed or just need some guidance, give us a call to schedule an appointment.